Sprouting Seeds

Too Good Not to Post

2006-07-06T13:03:00.000+02:00

For all women out there who can sympathise with this lady's plight and for all the boys who don't know what we go through:

****WARNING!!!****
Put down your coffee & swallow if you don't want coffee on your PC / Mac / Notebook screen:

ONE WOMAN'S TALE OF WOE

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now..........the wax.

My night began as any other normal week night. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA RIGHT ?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in, so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax" yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north.

After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek. (Yes, it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself.........RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!!

Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. think I may pass out...........must stay conscious.........Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe......OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.

CRAP!

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake.......remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

CRAP!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself
"Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.

It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and who-ha are glue together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause.

She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now.....I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night!

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!! It works !!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to try hair colour......

BMW vs Audi

2006-07-06T09:17:00.000+02:00

I love my industry. Even though I moan and groan and bitch at the odd occassion heheehehe I still love the creativity that surrounds me on a daily basis.

Click on the image to see the larger version :)

Winter Mornings

2006-07-06T07:46:00.000+02:00

This has been one of those classic weeks where the to-do list grows continuously and the time available becomes less and less due to inane meetings where the same issues are discussed and we have meetings about meetings about meetings.

My question is, if the company wants to increase productivity what is the use of having meetings about this the whole time? Why not just send out an email saying "Increase productivity" instead of calling meetings and moving the office around during working hours?

End result, working until midnight, home for a few hours sleep, back at the office at 5.30!
Ugh

Unfortunately with our new partners moving into our offices, there are now additional resources reporting to me and hence more people to train and bring up to speed, more time spent not doing my work. Hehehehe I guess its an evil circle,

The moral of the story - - It's phucking cold at 5.30 in the morning! While the rest of Johannesburg is lying cosy in their down duvet covered beds with underfloor heating and electric blankets there is at least one moron (moi) freezing her backside off.

However, I guess there must be a positive.

Mmmmmmmmm

Mmmmmmmmmm

Mmmmmmmmm

AH!!!!

No traffic :)

A sad moment

2006-07-04T16:40:00.000+02:00

In the past few weeks, two of my dear friends passed away, God calls his angels young.

It's not just men who fall asleep after s€x

2006-07-04T16:37:00.000+02:00

The Letter S

2006-07-04T09:44:00.000+02:00

Daedalus has decided that I should be next in this chain blog event and has allocated to me the letter ‘S’.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Didn’t we all long for a nanny like Mary Poppins. Somebody who could come in and fix everything from your dad’s job worries to your own flights of fancy. I know I always wanted to jump into a pavement drawing and go dancing with penguins or laugh so loud that I started to float.

Santorini
In 2004 my best friends decided to get married. We lived in Dubai; he is from Lebanon, she from South Africa so they decided to get married on neutral ground. A group of 20 or so of us ended up spending 10 days before their wedding on this idyllic Greek Island. It was by far the best wedding I have ever attended.

Sagacious
Hopefully I achieve this on a daily basis.

Safari
OK, one of my favourite things of all time is going on game drives, I know Safari is a terribly touristy type of word but it’s the only one that actually starts with an S that I can think of for this LOL. My next “Safari” will be next year when I go to the Masai Mara & Serengeti to watch the great migration. *can’t wait*

Stocious
Hee hee hee, some Irish slang, but something I do every so often.

Siblings
I have two of these, the eldest being one of my best friends. I do not speak often about them on here, but they are very dear to my heart and would not trade them for the world.

Summer
My favourite time of year!! Why can’t I be one of the rich jet-set spending my summers here at Herolds Bay and my winters in France / Greece? The ideal would be to live in perpetual summer, oh yes, I did for three and a half years! I guess I should change this to summer holidays mmmmmmmmm

Sea
As I have mentioned before, one of my favorite places in the world in Herold’s Bay. Since I was born we have spent on average 2 months a year living there. The smell, the beach, and the mountains everything reminds me of happy times and carefree holidays. This is where I had my first kiss, where I recovered from my first heartbreak and where I still go to find sanctuary and silence.

Sarcastic
One of my bad points that I am trying to work on as it seems when I get really angry at something, I come up with the most sarcastic lines. I will list this as under construction lol.

Stoic
A member of an originally Greek school of philosophy, founded by Zeno about 308 B.C., believing that God determined everything for the best and that virtue is sufficient for happiness. Its later Roman form advocated the calm acceptance of all occurrences as the unavoidable result of divine will or of the natural order.

Situational Awareness

2006-07-04T08:54:00.000+02:00

Scenario:
You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.

Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

?
?
?
?
?
?

Answer:
Get off the children's Merry-Go-Round, you're pissed

Man + Shopping = Trouble

2006-07-04T08:50:00.000+02:00

Letter received by a woman who ignored that basic rule:

Mrs. Fenton,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.

Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:

1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares ... and watched what happened.

5. August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay buy.

6. September 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the beddingdepartment.

8. September 23:
When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks: 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4:
Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and proceeded to pick his nose.

10. November 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6:
In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!

15. December 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Joke of the Day

2006-06-23T11:30:00.000+02:00

A Northern Territory Australia farm hand, radios back to his boss, the farm manager.

"Boss, I gotta big problem here. I hit a pig with the pickup. The pig's ok but he's stuck in the bull bar at the front of my pickup and is wriggling & squealing so much I can't get him out".

The manager says "OK there's a 303 behind the seat, take it out and shoot the pig in the head & you'll be able to remove him".

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back. "I did as you said boss. Took the 303 and shot the pig in the head and removed him from thebull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on."

"Now what's the problem?" raged the manager..

"Well Boss, its his motor bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right front wheel arch............... You still there boss?"

Be Back Soon!

2006-06-20T14:14:00.000+02:00

As will become apparent, there are times I travel for work to a little place called Swaziland. Until I get back in a few days, there will not be any updates on the blog.....

Sorry

Joke of the Day

2006-06-19T11:40:00.000+02:00

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions.

While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls:
While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating:
Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chilli sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chilli cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness:
Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore:
The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would Like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of Great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed Companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review My grievances above & address them immediately.

I will look for an Answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible Solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Nope, no more for me.
2. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
3. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

2006-06-15T14:30:00.000+02:00

Having lived in the Middle East for three and a half years, I am no longer immune to the plight of the poor. Dubai is a bustling metropolis where wealth is displayed in the most opulent fashion. From the main road that is lined with 5-star hotels to the workers dusting the traffic lights in the morning.

Since I have moved back in September 05, I have had a variety of experiences ranging from the best possible to the worst possible.

I think the best occurred during the time that I was job hunting. Having spent another day sitting at PostNet in Sandton City, answering to any ad calling for client service people with hardly any response, spamming my CV over the Internet to try and get gainful experience and my bank balance dwindling into triple figures I was driving down William Nicol Dr home. Despondant beyond belief, I lit a cigarette and sat smoking in the peak hour traffic. My window was rolled down and a barrage of robo-vendors flocked around me. I could have bought anything and everything that day, sunglasses, handbags, condoms, afro-art but at that stage not wanting to delve into my savings I apologised to the guys and said "listen, Sorry bud, I haven't got a job and nobody wants to employ me, so I don't have the money." A reality shock came my way as the robo-vendor looked at me with empathy and said "Listen my sister, it will be ok, you will find a job. Just hang in there." Needless to say, this immediately changed my attitude and a week later by the grace of God I was gainfully employed.

The worst was invariable about two weeks later, going to my first client meeting back in Joburg. They where located in Auckland Park. As Dubai is a VERY safe city with Sharia Law, you never really think of crime. So needless to say the handbag was on the passenger side of the car and somebody broke my window and ran off with my bag. Here I have to add that the Police found the bag, not the scumbag the handbag, and returned it to me while still waiting on the side of the road for them to pitch up and give me a case number (probably no more than 30 minutes after the incident).

But I digress. Recently I have noticed more and more beggars, sellers, etc on the road. I keep a certain amount of change aside each month where I try and help somebody each day. Whether its buying a HomeLess Talk or just a beggar or somebody "buying" my trash doesn't matter. I feel that I am in a position to do this and as such do it gladly. My bone of contention is the fact that on the 7km's from my house to my office I pass approximately 12 of these people per day.

Now that doesn't seem like a lot, but they seem to get irritated if you do not support them. They are not aware of the people up the street that I gave a small donation to 5 minutes ago. The death stares have really started bugging me. What must I do? Do I give to each of these poor souls? What would that cost me? I did a small calculation
12 people x R2 x 2 trips daily = R48
5 days a week = R240
4.5 weeks a month: = R 1 080

I don't know many people who are in a position to give this away on a monthly basis, I certainly am not. But still I feel guilty and don't know what to do.

Joke of the Day

2006-06-15T12:36:00.000+02:00

A Dummy's Guide to Showers

How to Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according tolights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower.

Squeeze off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How to Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them In a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

Strictly come Dizzy erm Dancing

2006-06-15T12:16:00.000+02:00

Inspired by a TV series and fulfilling a childhood dream, I have recently taken up ballroom dancing. Apparently I do not have two left feet as I thought (I was a rather clumsy child nicknamed Calamity Jane) but I have to admit that it is a lot more difficult than the dancers on the show make it look.

When they float / glide across the dance floor, they make it seem so easy and elegant. However what they don’t show you is the hours of practice it takes. Apart from formal lessons from a friend (*wave* this is the special mention) twice a week, it has become apparent that this just isn’t enough time. Now is you are a regular follower of the series currently on BBC PRIME (Channel 40) you will get a glimpse of just how hard these people work. They spend hours upon hours upon hours a week training!! Needless to say, in between my shopping, playstation, beading and work I do not have these kinds of hours. So my practice is limited to about an extra 2 hours apart from the 3 hours of training. Now on the TV series they learn a new dance within a week. After two months of intermittent classes I am still stuck on the Jive.

The Jive is loads of fun, but my trainer has realized that I struggle a bit with turns. Needless to say, she decided to pack the routine with turn-after-turn-after-turn. The latest move was finally mastered last week. I daresay that I am rather proud of myself for not falling on my rear, however now I need to concentrate on ensuring that the dizzy spells that I suffer after the first 8 movements of the dance doesn’t prevent me from dancing further. Do not misunderstand me, by no means am I complaining, it just astounds me how people can carry on dancing with no breath left, sweating like a furry dog in the desert and dizzy spells that spins the world. However, the outcome of this will hopefully be a fit, lean, trained body and heaps of laughter, probably at me.

Applications

2006-06-15T09:56:00.000+02:00

Well, it seems that my post about my toys garnered some interest. So as there was a request to send CV's herewith a 10 question test: Please email answers to applications_blog@yahoo.com.

The Boyfriend Application Test

First of All: Are you actually looking for a girlfriend right now:
a Yes! That’s why I am filling this in
b Maybe, Not really sure
c No, I am taken. This is just to fill up the void of my dreary day
d I am looking for an ADDITIONAL girlfriend to join my harem

Down to some aesthetics: How tall are you?
a I can give Mickey Mouse a run for his money
b Height doesn’t matter
c I am approximately 6ft
d Bring on the NBA teams! I can paint the sky for you

Hygiene –
a Brush teeth multiple times a day / shower every day
b Brush teeth everyday / shower at least every other day
c Brush teeth / shower when needed
d Eh, who needs it when you have breath mints and aftershave

If I had to run and flail about in the rain, what would you do:
a Join in
b Laugh at my stupidity
c Run away
d Stand there in utter disbelief
‘
When I get in over my head in projects and other life issues, what would you do?
a Do your best to help me out
b Ridicule me for getting into so much
c Get angry at my lack of time for you
d Simply be confused as to why someone would like stress so much

I think I am pretty smart, but will you make me feel like I am?
a Yes
b No
c I don’t care
d I am WAY smarter than you

Will you make an effort to surprise me occasionally?
a Boo!!!!!
b Yes, spontaneity is the spice of life
c I am duller than chalk
d Sure, I will diarize with you a month in advance, send you e-mails to make sure you know the effort I went to and will find a mutually convenient time to schedule it in

Disney. Your thoughts:
a I loved Disney movies when growing up
b I want to live at Disneyland (Florida not France)
c I want to live at Disneyland (France not Florida)
d I don’t like it, stupid and immature
e Corporate money grabbers, part of an international conspiracy to take over the world

I work pretty hard, will you rub my back when I am tired and sore?
a I’ll rub your back if you rub mine
b Of course!
c No way!!!
d Maybe once a year on your birthday, if I remember it

Playstation games:
a Love It
b Hate it
c It is what makes the world go round
d You play, I’ll watch!

*** Disclaimer***
This test is purely for fun and is not to be taken seriously. Judges decision is final and no further communication will be entered into. As this is not the South of America, immediate family members and relatives are not eligible for entry. Winners may be subject to vigorous examinations.

I wish it wasn't so!!!!!!!

2006-06-14T15:35:00.000+02:00

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP!

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a bunk bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favourite song in a shopping centre.

6. You watch the News.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 20. This is the worst one!

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&;@# kids next door won't turn down the music.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your pet Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take weekend naps from noon

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a kebab at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the chemist for Panado and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A R12 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again!"

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

Joke of the Day

2006-06-14T14:32:00.000+02:00

You are a South African bush pilot. You fly in some critical medical supplies, enjoy a quick lunch at the hospital ..

It's a stifling 100 degrees in the shade and you're eager to get back up to the cool, high blue yonder.

On the way back to your plane, you discover that the only bit of shade, within 1 mile, has become very popular . . .

You start calculating the distance to the plane door and wonder .
.
"Do I feel lucky today?"

Teething Problems

2006-06-14T13:05:00.000+02:00

Experiencing a couple of technical problems, trying to sort them out - please bear with me hehehehe

My Toys

2006-06-13T14:46:00.000+02:00

As a singleton living in Johannesburg my life has predominantly centered around toys and shoes. Now not THOSE kind of toys, but things that take my mind off my my dwindling social life. Hence the question: Can toys be a substitute for a boyfriend?

I guess my favourite toys of the moment is my PlayStation and my iPod. The PS2 has been a faithful companion over the past two years. My eye hand coordination has improved beyond compare and regularly I submerge myself in the dark underworld where mythical characters come to life and take away all the stress and frustration that has accumulated over the past few days at the slave pit. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind working, in fact I enjoy it. After all it does pay for my addictions ie toys and shoes. Now there are some who argue that PS2 doesn't compare to regular PC games, quote "I play the Big Games on PC, the ones that require you to think". I have to admit that I much prefer sitting on my soft couch, feet up, next to the heater, with a cup of java or a glass of wine playing my game on a 74cm TV to sitting up straight at a desk concentrating on a 17inch screen. After all, don't I do this all day? And the graphics, oh boy, I guess working in a creative environment (even though I am a suit) makes me very critical on the graphics and frankly, I have not found a PC game that compares, however I am open to be converted should you feel up to the challenge.

The iPod has really livened up the long trips across the border that I have to undertake for work. From Audio Books and Stand Up comedy, to the latest music and the golden greats, the monotonous road disappears as I laugh all the way. The only problem now is that other drivers look at me and think I am crazy. Especially taxi drivers now avoid coming near me - an added advantage - as a lone woman zooming down the highway laughing scares the be-jesus into them. Plus, no longer do I need to carry 150 CD's with me, no longer do I need to listen to the crap songs that they put onto the CD to make up time. I can pick only the songs I love, put them on a small gadget and I can load up to 15,000 songs. This would equal approximately 750 - 800 Cd's of normal tracks.

But back to the question. Do these small gadgets make up for being a singleton. I don't think so, but I must admit that it does fill the void. But it has its drawbacks. If I do ever get involved again, I need to find somebody who enjoys playing on the playstation as much as I do. Would I be willing to give up my addiction for somebody who finds it immature, childish and boring? Oh dear, I don't know. Hopefully they will be able to accept me with my eccentricities, they will not laugh at me engrossed in a game where I am fighting to save the earth against mutants or trying to protect an ancient secret from people who wish to exploit it. I hope they will understand that I am not a maniac laughing all the way to the mental institute if I am just listening to Robin Williams live or Eddie Murphy's Raw.

Until then, I will happily indulge in my fantasy world and spend dubious amounts of money on shoes that I don't really need. And to prevent my complete immersion into fantasy I will continue going away for weekends, relaxing in the beautiful country that I have finally come home to. In the end, I hope that the question will be null and void one day.

Joke of the Day

2006-06-13T14:30:00.000+02:00

Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk, grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure? It comes from a catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by Children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.

1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the dayk but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throuhgout history they had trouble with unsynmpathetic genitals.

5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.

9. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to Eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

12. The Greatest Miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew King who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, A race of people who lived in Biblical Times.

14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the Manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. JEsus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 Decibels.

22. The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.

23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached Holy Acrimony which is another name for Marraige.

25. Christians have only one spourse, this is called monotony

Return of the Blog

2006-06-13T14:12:00.000+02:00

Last year, I received quite a bit of flack from friends that I am not maintaining or keeping up my blog. This lead to me deleting the blog until such a time as I was ready to restart the effort and hopefully maintain it. Hehehehe yea right. Well I guess if the village of Orilla can celebrate Christmas in June (http://www.orillia.com/visitors/christmas.html) then I can make / start my new years resolution in June too.

Sprouting Seeds

Too Good Not to Post

BMW vs Audi

Winter Mornings

A sad moment

It's not just men who fall asleep after s€x

The Letter S

Situational Awareness

Man + Shopping = Trouble

Joke of the Day

Be Back Soon!

Joke of the Day

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

Joke of the Day

Strictly come Dizzy *erm* Dancing

Applications

I wish it wasn't so!!!!!!!

Joke of the Day

Teething Problems

My Toys

Joke of the Day

Return of the Blog

Strictly come Dizzy erm Dancing